Our Farm Store opens tomorrow. So for the past week we've been buzzing with creative energy!
I've heard that author Ann Patchett, calls her ideas for her as-yet unwritten books "butterflies." That's how entrancing and delightful she finds just the IDEA of these books.
And I get that. Because my dreams for this Farm Store feel that beautiful too. Especially as I've watched them take shape.
Last week, we set up the gazebo that will house our store. We even opened for one afternoon, just to do a "dry-run".
This morning I made the dough for the cinnamon rolls - all ready to be popped in the oven tomorrow morning and served fresh.
The cold brew coffee was cold brewing.
The vegetables were ripening for tomorrow's harvest.
All while I dreamt about how cozy we'd make the store. Where we'd place the loveseat, how we'd arrange the fresh snap peas, where we'd put the coffee station.
Then today. while my friend Amanda and I were standing in the kitchen "quality checking" the coffee and bread, Amanda said, 'Oh oh oh - NOOO!!!"
Because the entire gazebo took flight and headed straight for the highway.
Until it smashed into our new farm sign and hung there.
But here's the deal - 2 women aren't really a match for a farm store that is hell-bent on seeing the world.
At one point, the ballooning store even lifted Amanda into the air like a para glider.
Leaving me to wonder, "Why, why, WHY do these things always happen when my husband isn't home????"
Bit by bit, we disassembled. Until the entire gazebo lay in pieces where my butterfly/Farm Store once lived.
At first I laughed - I mean seriously. Who else is chasing their farm store down the street less than 24 hours before opening.
Then I was deeply grateful that no one had gotten hurt.
Then about 2 hours later I just felt so, so sad.
We had planned. We had dreamed. And there was the carcass of our Store, literally and metaphorically shattering those plans and dreams.
But here's what ELSE Ann Patchett says.
Here's what she does when she turns her dreamed of book into reality.:
"I reach up and pluck the butterfly from the air. I press it down against my desk, and there, with my own hand, I kill it."
Because dreams are great. But if we think that our creation MUST look like those dreams, we will never get down to the excruciating business of creating.
Because - even though I hate this with every fiber of my body - creating is messy and vulnerable and imperfect and hard.
And even if what we create is cobbled together out of duct tape, scrap wood and kitchen twine, I bet it's still something that the world hasn't seen before.
So the Farm Store opens tomorrow.
The roof has a gaping hole that Jason just fixed with - yep - duct tape.
One of the supports is severely bent.
And we spent so much time fixing the darned thing that we haven't even started setting up the inside.
My butterfly is smashed. But I trust its death makes room for something more real, more grounded and - hopefully - more lasting.
Because tomorrow - no matter its state of disrepair - we will have a Farm Store.
So people, please don't leave me hanging.
Please tell me that you've dreamed of one thing yet given life to something entirely different.
Please tell me that it was good and what you needed - even if it was not what you dreamed.
Can we all just "smash the butterfly" together???